In ministry (if you consider what I do ministry) you focus on others needs. I come in contact with several students from several different walks of life. Some of the students at our church come from families that are rich and there are other families not as fortunate. We have students that are surprisingly upbeat considering the riggers of adolescent life, then we have students who are suicidal. We got straight A students and we got students who are worried about graduating.
As someone who gets to interact with them on a weekly basis, there is nothing more than I want to take their pain and bare it. I would love to lift their burdens off their shoulders and just take it. It kills me to see people in pain, I do not know why but it just kills me. Often my own pain, suffering and sorrow gets put on the back burner because I am so consumed with trying to do something that only Jesus can do.
It is not healthy. My prayer life suffers because of it. Then my life suffers because I am not having an intimate relationship with Christ. Then you all suffer because I am moody (it is okay to laugh at that).
I do not want that. What I do want is to go back to ASP or well the way I lived at ASP. ASP is always tough. You work on projects that seem imposable to overcome, you are exhausted and you just know Thursday is going to suck. Yet you rely on your manna, that constant supply of Jesus to get you through.
I want to live desperately for Jesus, just like he lived for me...
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